Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
