He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
