your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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