I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
