Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
