i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
