We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
