We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
