Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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