the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
