i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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