I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
