just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
