would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just had sex on a roof
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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