Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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