I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
