please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
