I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
