Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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