It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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