Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
