I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just cropdusted the office
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
