My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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