Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
