I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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