It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
