I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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