ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
