Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
