think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
