he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
