i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
