I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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