Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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