guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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