Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
