you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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