do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
