I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
