She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just found puke in my bra..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
