jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So. Much. Porn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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