okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
