ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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