i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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