Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
