I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
