I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
