And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
