He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
