I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
