He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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