where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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