i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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