Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
