You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
