What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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