where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
