I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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