...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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