Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My penis needs a shock collar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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