My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
