hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
