fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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