I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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