For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
