Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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