I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
