He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
