I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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