I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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